Wanted: The Perfect Family, Part 1

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“The nuclear family was a mistake.” Thus ran the headline of a 2020 article by David Brooks in The Atlantic. And while confessional Lutherans and other Bible-believing Christians would certainly disagree with that statement, at least on the face of it, we would also have to admit that the 20th and 21st centuries have not been good for families — nuclear or otherwise.

Everywhere we look, we see the ravages of a self-obsessed culture, the onslaught of secular progressivism and the consequences of our own sinful nature writ large on our own families and the families of others. A September 2023 article from Pew Research on current trends in marriage and family life reported: “In 1970, 67% of Americans ages 25 to 49 were living with their spouse and one or more children younger than 18. Over the past five decades, that share has dropped to 37%.” The article went on to note that as the percentage of Americans in a traditional nuclear family living arrangement has declined, the percentages of those choosing other living arrangements have risen, including that of unmarried individuals cohabitating while rearing children.

But it’s not just the decline of the nuclear family that reflects the brokenness of the family in our culture. That brokenness, which stems from the brokenness of creation, can be seen in a sad multiplicity of ways. In the practice of abortion, parents end the lives of the very ones our Lord has given them to nurture and protect. In the proliferation of divorce, especially no-fault divorce, that which should be a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, blessed and sustained by their Lord, is tossed aside when feelings change or circumstances become difficult. In the acceptance of euthanasia as a solution for addressing the challenges faced by the aged, disabled or sick, some indicate their willingness to sacrifice the most vulnerable among us on the altar of convenience. In the desire to go outside God’s design for life in pursuit of personal fulfillment, some use advances in medical technology to “create” and store human embryos until such time as they are deemed worthy of living (or not).

Biblically faithful Christians reject such practices on principle. Yet Christians are hardly immune to the pain of broken families. Faithful parents who seemingly did everything right — rearing their children in the church, bringing them to the baptismal font, teaching them the catechism and praying for them unceasingly — watch those children walk away from the faith. Marriages that seemed unassailable to those looking in from the outside collapse due to adultery, abuse or the apostasy of one or both spouses. Adults for whom the challenge of maintaining a relationship with family has reached a tipping point choose to become permanently estranged from parents, children or siblings. In some cases, such estrangement may be necessary for reasons of basic safety and survival; in others, it is a too-easy out for those who don’t want to fulfill their God-given vocations.

It is a sad irony that one of life’s greatest blessings — our families — can become one of its deepest sources of pain. But though this may surprise us, it should not. It is the reality of a fallen creation. God’s good gifts too often become idols, the love of which we elevate above Him, turning them into substitute gods. The creation He designed to live in perfect harmony with Him and that He meant only for our good is twisted, perverted and distorted by the Fall. We need look no further than our first parents, Adam and Eve, and our first siblings, Cain and Abel, to see the devastation sin wreaks upon families, turning husband, wife, children and siblings against one another as they seek their own selfish ends. . . .

Cheryl Magness is managing editor of the print and online versions of Reporter, the official newspaper of the LCMS. This article was first printed in and is reprinted here with permission of The Lutheran Witness.

Be Informed

Don’t believe the media lies: Abortion comes with deep, lasting regret. Learn more from Theresa Bonapartis of Lumina.

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There’s still time to register for the “Created Male and Female: In His Image Conference,” hosted by National Mission together with DOXOLOGY, April 15–16, 2024, at The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod International Center in St. Louis.

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“The hope that we have inside of us—that Christ has forgiven us and brought us His forgiveness—we want to share that with a world that is so desperately in need of a Savior. The Savior has come; let us share that news, and let us rejoice in God our Savior.” –Rev. Peter Kolb